Autoscopy

As I find myself living through a truly unprecedented time in my nation’s history—the American government racing towards autocracy and fascism while we all sit and watch—I often find myself experiencing an autoscopic view of the nation. Autoscopy—auto- meaning self, -scopy meaning watcher—is the experience of seeing oneself from a distance; an out-of-body hallucination. During such an episode, you may feel your body is no longer yours—aware it should belong to you yet unable to control it. As our president destroys our democracy and mobilizes hatred in the pursuit of omnipotence, I can’t help but hover above myself, above my country, aware of the terrible acts within but paralyzed to intervene meaningfully. Even the word, ‘within,’ implies that I am without. Without agency, without influence, without voice. Is this truly still my country? How can a system that has worked for 250 years be so fragile? I don't have an answer, but I know that autoscopy is a hallucination, and this is one that needs to be broken.